Life is a Playground

2004-01-09T12:12:00.000-06:00

i get six extra days to prepare for my interview. yes, you heard that right ... interview.
the second interview was cancelled. the lady called to tell me she that the person with the job before is not moving now and would like her old job back. can't say i blame her. big bummer for me. wasn't in the stars, apparently.

so, i'm back, hitting the want ads. maybe i can do this?

PHONE ACTRESSES Needed, make up to $21/hr., part or full-time, flexible hours. 1-888-899-1885.

craig leaves in 24 hours. gonna miss him. BUT, I'll see him next thursday night.

xoxo,
chloe

2004-01-08T13:58:00.000-06:00

well, let's just say ... i'm still in the midwest ... here is what is keeping me from my destination ... ugh.

so, i'm going to go NEXT week now. both interviews changed. for once, i hate SNOW.

v. depressed right now.

xoxo,
chloe

2004-01-06T12:03:00.000-06:00

sometimes i wish i had a penis.

being a woman in a man's working world really is the shits sometimes. at my current employer i wear the hats of many people all on the shoulders of lil old chloe. i wear so many hats, the hat rack is about to fall over. one of my jobs is to coordinate events which means organizing committees to get stuff done with my boss breathing down my neck. last year, since it was my first year of planning events, the bossman held a tie leash on chloe but after the smashing success of our event last year, the bossman gave me the reigns but still held a close leash on me. sometimes there are too many hands in the cookie jar when you have 5 committe heads who are having you do all their work. the gals in the group got a handle on things but the men, they always have US doing their crap.

my boss insisted that last year the invites went out 6 weeks before the event. going back through my post office paper work from the bulk mail office, they went out a month before the event, which is two weeks away. today, he insisted in the meeting he wanted them out before the end of the week. he then forgets i'll be gone on thursday and friday.

later on, he insists that we have non-alocholic wine on the table and ordered only 50 bottles. my committee member piped up, "we didn't have non-alcoholic wine." he insisted we did. for some stupid reason, we put wine on the table at our fundraiser. no one drank the wine on the tables but he insists we need it. he then gets mad because we haven't gotten wine donated. the last two years we bought wine. is it my fault he didn't budget it this year?

as i was going through my list of things to get done, he wasn't paying attention. he asked what page we're on. one of the gals pointed out, page 3. he made me start over at the beginning.

the icing on the cake was our next gripe ... in may, i suggested instead of 70 silent auction items, we did 60 and 10 geared toward our projects and to leave an evelope on each person's chair asking to donate. it went upon deaf ears until one of my penis having committee members, who is not a fan of chloe, suggested it as his idea. i had to keep my mouth shut i was SO pissed. afterwards, the gals said to me, "didn't you suggest that."

this event is going to kill me. i want you all to pray EXTRA hard that one of these two jobs works out for me and i can come back, give my notice and be gone in a month.

i'm a little nervous about my upcoming interviews. my gut tells me i won't get either. my intuition is usually right.

craig is busy packing because he heads back with me. i'm really going to miss him but we have the phone and emails and maybe, just maybe, i'll be there soon enough.

xoxo,
chloe

2004-01-02T09:46:00.000-06:00

wow, i can't believe it's 2004 already? where did 2003 go? here is a brief recap in the life of chloe in 2003:

january 2003: pine over casino man. he kisses me dec. 31, 2002 (at 2 a.m.) and then disappears but the to reappear in march 2003.

february 2003: successfully pull off my first fundraiser, board members pleased. meet guy at casino (different guy) who is hot. ex starts dating friend, friend says it won't affect friendship, though her new beau is causing drama here and there.

march 2003: my friend gets deployed to iraq. hot guy turns into a jerk. i start taking crazy pills again. casino man reappears, wants to be friends.

april 2003: hang out with casino man. tell other casino man to fuck off because i like the other casino man.

may 2003: drama. my friends rally behind me and defend me against the ex and my now ex friend. casino man disappears, but i'm only heart broken for a few weeks.

june 2003: decided i will head west and visit my friends in the pacific northwest.

july 2003: head west, realize i need a change that the pretty trees of the pacific northwest are a much better scene then the flat and drab midwest. start and email friendship up with various people. head to chicago for work.

august 2003: start to develop feelings for craig, a friend of a friend back west. starts off by emails, then phone calls at night.

september 2003: secure some interviews out west, decided to head back in october. craig decides to head east and see how things go.

october 2003: head back, have some interviews, fall for craig, get rejection letters, drama with my friends.

november 2003: basically tell ex friend to go fuck herself. find out her and toxic boyfriend turn another friend against everyone. craig and i grow closer though we really can't open up about stuff.

december 2003: secure two interviews out west, one in which they will fly me out and put me up. craig and i work through issues and learn how to communicate though he's heading back west in january. prepare to put house for sale.

what does 2004 bring for me? i am hoping a new job in a new city by may 2004. that is the goal for 2004. i'm a little scared but i can't say "what if" no more. 28 years in the same place is a long time and i'm not getting any younger.

one thing that worries me is making friends though everyone says i won't have a problem with that. as i told craig, i will probably take a few recreation classes or tours to meet people and get to know the area. i'm sure they have newcomers groups and groups for single people (no, i'm not seeking a member of the opposite sex).

just think, one week from today, two interviews ... i'm pretty nervous and excited.

bring it on 2004!

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-30T13:23:00.000-06:00

this just in from the news desk:

chloe lands another job interview. story at 11!

a few weeks back craig told me about a few jobs he saw in the paper. i sent my resume and forgot about it until my phone rang yesterday afternoon. it came up unknown and since i call scene i decided not answer it. well, should have ... was one of the organizations i applied for seeking a phone interview. i excitedly called back and left on the message i'd be available for an in person interview next week.

hours later, my call was confirmed and my second interview set up.

go me! go me!

i will leave the midwest. i will leave the midwest.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-29T14:41:00.000-06:00

with the hussle and bussel of the holidays, poor chloe has not forgotten about you. been a little busy with work, the holidays and taking a double dose of crazy pills to keep sane around the family. kidding.

no seriously, i feel bad for the absence.

in 10 days i'm heading out west, flown BY THE COMPANY, for a job interview. let's just say, if i do not get this job ... i will be crushed and crushed is putting it lightly. i have been keeping the interview on the down low. only my dad, brothers, close cousin and a few close friends (and of course YOU, my bloggies) know about my interview. i think at this point TOO many people know about it. what scares the shit out of me is IF i don't get it. yea, free trip to the pacific northwest but crushed ego.

dad: so, what are you wearing?
chloe: nice pants and a sweater.
dad: WHAT?
chloe: what?
dad: do you own a suit?
chloe: dad, this is the pacific northwest where in one interview in october, the lady wore FLEECE!
dad: i suggest we buy you a suit.
chloe: i have a suit, dad.
dad: what does it look like?
chloe: i have one black and one grey jacket.
dad: wear the grey one, black pants and bright shirt.

on christmas day, my cousin stopped by. she lives in europe and only comes in once a year. she's this high power executive vp of something. very business orientated. of course, she askes what i'm going to wear and she suggest a suit too. maybe i should take some photos of the outfits i plan on wearing and have you all vote?

still going to be crushed if i don't get this job.

regardless if i don't get the job, the house is up for sale mid-january and the realtor is coming by next wednesday to go over a few things. i hope it sells fast.

well, that's what's going on in my world. i promise to do a better job of blogging.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-18T08:12:00.000-06:00

drum roll please ...........

they are flying me out in 2 weeks for a face to face interview.

i rule!

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-17T12:12:00.000-06:00

i'm in one of those moods today. i don't feel like being in my office while the secretary tells me about how her husband isn't her husband. they divorced when their daughter was two and he stayed living with her. so, that makes it a common law marriage. forgive me for NOT carring, dear secratary. then santa came in to give our mentally handicapped volunteers gifts. i love the handicapped kids but not the accordion playing nor my tone deaf secratary singing "jingle bells." yes, you read that right ... there was an accordion playing "jingle bells." i fled the land of tone deaf singers to go and pick me up a sweater from ann taylor loft since i had a coupon.

of course, they don't have my size in anything since i'm a common size, the sales lady tells me. the store is in this stuffy, rich mall with other expensive shops. stay at home mom's are out driving hummers and spending their dr. husband's money. i was tempted to go look in the jewelry store but the thought of being around all those rich people was getting to me.

then my dad calls. he's trying to convince me to sell my house now. put it on the market tomorrow. he claims it will sell. he owned a home on the same block and it sold in two days but he had a garage. for me to build a garage, it would cost me 10K because they have to take up half of my yard but will add value. then the bank says they can only loan me 7K. my dad seems to think i'll just come live with him until i'm ready to move.

the good thing about today is at 5:30 p.m. central time, i have a job interview. after work, i am prepared to do a little research about the pacific northwest non-profit who wants to hire me (one of 4 candidates). craig will leave for about an hour so i have no distractions. this is my shot ... i want this job. i want to move.

my dad and i had this long conversation about why i'm putting myself through this stress. my dad has lived here in the midwest most of his life. he lived a short while in the sandhills and went to college for 2 years in colorado. the majority of his life was spent here in the midwest and he says go off and see things you've never seen. do it now or you'll never do it.

so, the stress begins. interviewing for jobs. boxing up crap. getting rid of stuff and saying goodbye.

i'm ready for the adventure. wish me luck.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-15T13:31:00.000-06:00

you remember jane and t-bone ... t-bone is the ex that won't go away and jane is my friend i pawned off on t-bone and she turned on me. i broke up with him over a year ago because he a) acted like a 12 year old and b) was terrible in bed. well, mainly because he was unstable ... not saying i'm the most sane indivdual. ANYWOO ... he's back trying to start shit ... AGAIN.

this is all alleged so nothing is really official but we think he's emailing a friend of mine trying to get her to say things about me. he's using a fake name and yahoo account. she's a pretty smart gal and grabbed the ip from the message properties and we ran them and it came up where my ex works. she decided to play along and then he mentioned my name in the emails, saying i was emailing him. after a few days of not hearing from him, t-bone emailed me as the same person who was stringing my friend along with a message stating ... "two friends lost. who's next on the list?"

at first, i get pissed. blow off some steam to craig, who isn't really amused and feels helpless to the situation. really, the best thing to do is nothing. sit back and not react. then what happens is he looks like an idiot to everyone and i look like i've done nothing because i am doing nothing. remember his life is a playgroup .. act like your 12 when you're actually in your late 20s.

god help jane. how does she put up with this? oh, that's right ... she's desperate.

moving on....

craig is moving back west sooner than expected -- jan 8, to be exact. he got a job offer and i can't say i don't blame him. it really doesn't feel like i'll never leave the midwest. i feel stuck here. no jobs in the paper this week and my love is moving back. but there is hope on the horizon because i have a job interview wednesday night after work where i'm one of four candidates. 25% shot of heading west. i need to spend wednesday afternoon studying for the position. i want it SO bad .. i can taste it.

now, i must say, there is NOTHING wrong with living in the midwest but after living 28 years in the same damn place, i'm ready for change. i'm ready to be on my own for once. i just need to sell my house, get a job and go.

hopefully my house sells.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-12T10:08:00.000-06:00

busy week at work for me so sorry for not blogging. lots going on so here goes ...

started back on the happy pills. i forget how they make you feel tired and jittery.

things are going well ... the holiday season makes stuff go super fast because i'm booked to the gills with stuff to do. i worked each night this week, have a sex toy party to attend today, work all day saturday and have sunday off but have to celebrate my lil brother's birthday or attend christmas party thrown by college friends. my brother's birthday will include dumplings, sauerkraut, brother, craig and a few family members. college friends christmas party to include babies, poopy diapers, pregnancy chit chat and 'when are you getting engaged, chloe?' do i even have to tell you which one i will be attending?

either way, i piss someone off. and i did. my preggy friend binx was not too happy. they asked me a month ago when i could do it. my only free day is sunday. come to find out ... all my sundays are packed with crap. when's a girl to rest? after getting back from thanksgiving, i sent an email saying nothing would work for me that my brother's party was in the afternoon and since they're babies need to be in bed before 6 p.m., that night wouldn't work. honestly, i was sorta happy i was going to miss it. no one seems to understand how irritating it is talking about the color of their babie's poop or 3 a.m. feedings.

so now binx is feeling slighted. we go round and round about this kinda crap. my college friends all married the first guys they dated and i was always the one who dated and dumped. it's like we're growing apart. since they all started having babies, we never hang out and i've sought out people my age who are single. this makes binx and some of the girls feel like i don't value their friendships. it's not that i don't value then, i sorta get sick of the whole urgency of marriage and children.

my friend got married in october and before she met her first and only boyfriend 18 months before she got married, i was her social coordinator. she tagged along to everything i did. she met her boyfriend and dropped me. she moved and didn't give an address or phone or invite to see her new house. when her wedding day came along, i went but with a little hurt in my heart. i had met her husband once before the wedding.

but, they're get over it and i will too. it's just life i guess.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-08T10:23:00.000-06:00

this morning i had to fax the university i graduted from with a b.a. in broadcasting 6 years a go a release form to release my transcripts to a potential employer. the sucky part .. the fax machine is at my office. the other sucky thing ... the printer is half way across the building. imagine me sprinting across the building so no one intercepts my fax document.

so, i'm faxing the university and the secretary is going on and on about her niece or nephew that is living with them. something about child abuse and now they're living with her. as i write this, she stares in here. she is strange. anyway, she is going on and on about it and i'm like trying to be discrete about this fax i'm sending. after i'm done ignoring her and faxing my way to an escape from the midwest to the pacific northwest, i rip the document into shreds. i have to priorty send my resume, letter of recommendations and sign my life away on two other documents because they need the originals. what is it about higher ed places and all this paper. AND the transcripts. guess they want to make sure i got A's in my journalism courses.

but the good news is there were two jobs in the paper this weekend that i applied for. two jobs i'm very qualified for. two jobs i probably won't get because i don't live there because i am learning that the town i live doesn't like newcomers. WTF?

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-05T22:35:00.000-06:00

craig and i had a wonderful talk. i feel 100% better about everything though. i'm not exactly an angel, big surprise and had to say i'm sorry for a few things but stuff is great.

score one for me today. job interview dec. 17 where i am one of 4 candidates and will get me where i pretty much want to be , well, at least an hour from where i want to be. 25% chance i'll be outta the land of corn before valentines day.

the good thing is the guy is from the midwest and recently moved to where i'm moving, so luck is on my side ... he's all for relocating a good canididate.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-03T15:06:00.000-06:00

my day was pretty boring until one of my staff members told me that some volunteers "hooking up" in the back office. really, there is nothing i can do because another volunteer told me this. it was until one of our managers saw what he described as "the girl was gobbling on his dick" in the sort room, that the two volunteers were told to go home and never come back. there's always excitement at the office.

i applied for another job out west yesterday. i called to confirm that the gentleman revceived the application. he kindly said that if i'm qualified, i'll be asked for an interview. then he noted that i was from out of town.

man: you coming in for the holidays?
c: no.
man: oh.
c: well, can we do an interview, if you think i'm qualified?
man: sure ... be in touch soon.

i need to stay positive. stay positive. stay positive. because honestly, this job searching crap is getting me down.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-12-02T08:14:00.000-06:00

remember todd ... todd was the guy i dated for two years, wanted to marry but he was in love with a girl whom was engaged but said she loved him? if you don't remember, now you know ...

i haven't talked to todd since september. after realizing that it was never going to work, we occasionally got together, had sex and went to concerts together. friends with benefits more or less. when i told him i was moving and that i was interested in craig, he blasted me for moving and being in a relationship with someone miles away.

we took this road trip to a concert and it was absolutely horrible. it was ok for him to bash my romance but not his imaginery one with his friend who is engage to another man and so in love with him. he told me "i can't ask her to leave him but i want her to."

i said to him, "how can you want to date someone who you know will probably do the same to you."

his response "i just have to know."

quick minded chloe responded "that is how i feel about moving."

we have some music in common, along with being david sedaris fans. sedaris came to town for a reading and i was furious he went with her, rather than asking me. i began to feel like he was treating me like i wasn't worthy of hanging with him.

anyway, we stopped talking. i ran into him while out to dinner with craig. he just stood there, uncomfortably. he said he was off to meet his friends, who weren't off work for another 2 hours.

in a way i miss talking to him everyday and hearing how he's doing. i don't miss him physically but i miss hearing his voice.
this time, a year ago, we were hooking up but i wanted more.

now, it all feels like such a fraud. we weren't meant to be friends, i guess.

on the craig front ... things are going better. he's been pretty apologetic and made me dinner last night. next week he isn't working nights so i'll get to share my bed with him every night. he's kind of a bed hog.

i got a call from the potential employer. their board will select the interview candidates so i will know more next week.

cross those eyes, fingers and toes. i'm starting to worry and i don't want to give up.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-21T14:29:00.000-06:00

i promised my good friend that today i would talk about the things i'm thankful for. sunday, i head east for the holidays and will enjoy a few days of vacation.

NOT.

i think at this point, i'd rather stay home then spend 6 hours on a plane with my senile grandmother. i'm such a great person. i know.

i have a phone interview on dec. 1 for a job. cross all those fingers. this means i could move in january. i'd actually prefer not to move until march or april but january will do.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-20T10:34:00.000-06:00

i'm having a day of stress.

#1: my boss is driving my bonkers. he keeps putting stuff in my office for an upcoming fundriaser. last year we put the items in the closet. this year he's afraid they'll get stolen so he's putting them in my office. my door doesn't even lock.

#2: craig's car is broke. he won't take it to a shop to get an estimate which means i have to be a nice girlfriend and let him use mine. swears it will be fixed after i get back from visiting family next week. the things we do for love.

#3: moving. next week, while i go out of town to visit family, i have a phone interview scheduled for a job 40 mins. from where i'd like to move. if i get the job, i start mid-january and they are ok with me commuting. then i start worrying ... oh crap, i need to start getting my house ready to sell. i will have to pay rent and mortgage when i go west. ugh. i hate money. time to eat mac and cheese for a while.

#4: my dad. you all might know that my mom isn't alive. you all might also know my dad is working in another state rather than here in the lovely midwest. it's a source of anger with me and my stepmom why he does this. i bought my house 3 years ago because he said he'd help and then he goes off to work out of state. claims when he comes home this time will build the garage. my stepmom informed me yesterday he's only home for a few weeks. great. i feel so loved.

#5: family. not too excited at all about visiting the family for the holidays. i leave friday night and will have no computer until next friday. i kinda wish something would come up and i wouldn't have to go. blah.

so, it's one of those days when i woke up on the wrong side of the bed and nothing is going right.

#6: i almost forgot. i got my haircut and the girl who cuts my hair said i should only wash my hair every other day. so, today, i wet it and style and it is all gross. fuck.

something has to look up.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-19T08:18:00.000-06:00

ok, good news ... fingers crossed, fingers crossed.

dear chloe,
as you may suspect, we only made plans to hire locally. you are a strong candidate, however, so I thought I would ask you if you have any plans to make a visit out here in the near future. if not, we may need to interview over the phone.

signed,
guy at company

promising, but hopes are NOT up.

i forgot to add that the rejection email i got for that job that should have been mine said at the bottom ... "when you're officially moved to our great city, please call me and we'll go to lunch. you will make a wonderful asset to some organization. don't be discouraged."

don't be discouraged.
don't be discouraged.
don't be discouraged.

that is the mantra for today.

i love my job. i wish i could take it west with me.

don't be discouraged.
don't be discouraged.
don't be discouraged.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-18T06:37:00.000-06:00

" they just picked the wrong person," craig said when i told him i got a rejection letter from the job i interviewed for over a month ago.

oh, this is so frustrating. i'm a risk taker but there are some limits to the risks i will take. is moving all the way west without a job a smart thing to do? no. will it be my only option? probably. the problem is that the specific location i want to move doesn't have as many jobs as the two other big cities in the fine state. if i want to move to portland, eugene or seattle, there are a ton of jobs open, especially jobs in fundraising and pr. but there is a specific location i'm targeting and after looking since july, it's becoming clear that i'm asking for the impossible.

the psychic has told me many times that i should own my own business. i spent all evening researching the top franchises with the least start up cost and i have a few in mind but i'm pretty scared since i'm pretty broke.

i want to move. i will move. i must do this!

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-17T10:48:00.000-06:00

back to the grind. i hate mondays. i love monday mornings because i can cuddle with craig except he couldn't sleep and decided to get up at 4 a.m. and watch tv. i came out at 6 and said ... "it's monday, we always cuddle," so back to bed he came and we cuddled until the alarm went on.

on the job front ... nothing new, really. i called the people who interviewed me on oct. 1, again. they were suppose to call nov. 1 and set somethng up and i've heard nothing. i hope i'm not being pushy but in my line of work, you have to be pushy. SO, i'm waiting. in my message, i expressed interest, again.

i ran into a lady on friday who says i should sell advertising. now, you all know i work in pr and pr pretty much is selling who you're working for. this lady keeps saying i should really looking tv/radio sales. there are jobs open in tv sales where i want to move but really, i'm unsure about if i can do it.

the psychic on friday said i'm good at business. HA! funny! i can't balance a checkbook. ugh. she claims i need to come up with a business idea and run with it. SO, we'll see.

keep those fingers, toes and eyes crossed that i find a job ... soon. please!

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-14T22:56:00.000-06:00

work has been a total nightmare this week. it ended on a good note by me bugging the media and they all showing up for our press conference. the boss was happy. the client is happy. chloe was happy. so i spent the afternoon with the astrologer.

i consult an astrologer. yea, crazy but i'm crazy chloe and hell, it's my life. don't like it ... stop reading. i wanted to feel better about this move. i still don't.

the astrolger has told me in the past that i put men on pedastals. i know that and craig is not on one. she said that i have a head for business and will be rich someday .. should i buy a lottery ticket? i guess that i will start my own business soon and not move west. i guess that when i marry, i will never divorce but i won't marry craig. she said that i should know craig isn't good as money and will never be a provider.

oh well.

then, after i talked to the astrolger, i ran into my friend denny who told me she was pregnant along with my friend binx. it's all starting again .. the pressure to marry, the pressure to procreate. oh great.

craig and i are going to dinner tomorrow with a couple friends of mine who are getting married. i'm too tired to write. my feet hurt and my eyes are heavy and rob and craig dirtied all the dishes and i want to kill them both.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-13T14:10:00.000-06:00

for dinner last night ... 2 rock green lights, fried dill pickles and two pieces of fish without the chip. well, better than chocolate cake, i guess.

i never see the new guy and it makes us both sad. our schedules never mesh because he works overnights and i'm working 60 hours a week at the monkey job. when he's coming home from work, i'm going and we get about 45 minutes of talking in when i'm getting ready in the morning. today before i left for work i started to cry. i didn't let him see me cry but i didn't want to go to work, i wanted to crawl back in bed and just cuddle up with him. christ, we have sex maybe one time a week and the week when my period is here, you can forget about it. it's pretty sad.

he made a huge sacrifice, coming all this way to be with me. i'm the luckiest girl in the world. i really am. i hope he's not feeling trapped.

it's been a long time since i've been in a meaningful, committed, relationship. and it feels right and comfortable and scary.

scary? what's so scary about it you ask? in the past, the guys have all been afraid of committments. it's like when a man gets past 26, they feel the no desire, until about 32, to be in a committed relationship. it's been the case with ryan, todd, andy (all btw 28-32) but now , the new guy, craig, he's 32 and totally wants to be committed. they didn't want to hang out with my friends, or go on dates or do date things.

craig is all into dates. he lives for saturday 5 p.m., when he done sleeping to go to dinner, stay in and watch movies or even create a meal together. this saturday he has something big planned and he won't tell me.

so along with being scared, i'm very much in love. scary.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-12T07:14:00.000-06:00

no word about the job i was suppose to hear about this week. i giveup.

stress ... it makes me eat chocolate cake for dinner. you laugh but really i ate chocolate cake for dinner last night. yea, it was really good but my messy house drove me to eat chocolate cake last night when i went out shopping.

i am never at home. this is the busy season at my job and i work like 60 hours a week. so, i eat on the go. i think those campbell soup on the go things rock along with take out salad. i eat maybe two meals at home BUT rob and the new guy NEVER do the dishes. it take 5 minutes guys just do them.

the new guy arrive 6 weeks ago and he has yet to put his clothes away. they are all over the spare room and he has an empty closet to put them in. PUT YOUR CLOTHES IN THE DAMN CLOSET ALREADY.

the best one is that my laptop is never charged. my brother rob and the new guy use it all day while sitting on the couch. i have wi-fi access and they use my computer more than i do. every night i get home, start typing on the blog and notice i have 20 mins left on the battery.

so tuesday night, i had it. i told rob and the new guy things BETTER shape up soon. dishes better be done, laundry needs to be hung in the closet, stuff needs to be picked up and my computer better be charged when i need it. i spent the $1400 for the laptop and wi-fi access, it better be ready for me when i'm on a rampage like this one.

they both kinda looked at my like i was nuts. do they realize this is a stressful time for me .. a life change is ahead, moving to a new place, looking for a new job and of course, selling my house.

selling the house MIGHT just put me over the edge. oh, just wait and see.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-11T16:43:00.000-06:00

like i said yesterday, looking for new employment sucks. it's sucking today big time. yesterday, i talked to a gentleman about a job an hour away from where i wanted to live. he said he'd send on a full description of the job and supplemental questions that needed to be answered. last night i spent 2 hours working on one of the 10 questions. today at work i had to research some numbers and send that along which took another two hours. i needed to get the numbers together anyway for my boss so i wasn't work wasted. as i was answering these questions, i began to think, "christ chloe, this job must pay over 50g's a year." as i read the job description last night, 36g's was the high end of the salary ... WTF! i feel like i'm going backwards in my stinkin' career. FUCK.

i love my job right now but i can stand only 2 of the 20 people i work with ... my boss and another manager. my secretary asked me yesterday if i was still fighting with my friend and my ex ... i was like ... WTF? is she reading my blog? she stated she heard me talking on the phone. ok, it is ok to listen but not admit you're listening. i wonder if she has caught on that i'm moving. the other two people i despise are these born again christians i work with. the secretary told them my boyfriend was living with me. i have no idea WHY that is her business to tell but "born again" steve came in and gave me a talk about how i will never get married if my boyfriend lives with me. he's having his cake and eating it too. my response ... is this any of your business? he always is telling me how to do my job, when in fact he's not my supervisor, which bothers my supervisor. the other "born again" sally is the 350 pound woman who sits at a desk and complains all day. she hates the manager who gets along with me and this is why she doesn't like me. again, you'd think these people were in junior high, not their 50s.

i do love my job and i wish i could take it and move it out west, but i can't.

tomorrow ... the stress of selling your house. men making a mess at my house. ugh.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-10T16:18:00.000-06:00

looking for employment in general sucks. looking for employment during this sucky economy sucks, but i've decided there is something that is EVEN worse than both .... looking for employment in another city you don't live in. it really blows.

i spend my evenings searching for jobs in the general area of the city i want to live in. let's just say that i'll drive an hour for good work. i have several websites bookmarked and i check the newspaper daily. i emailed everyone and their mother who hire in the pacific northwest my resume. when i went to visit in october, two organizations had jobs open and i interviewed. both seem to go great and both said they'd call for a second interview ... YEAH ME!

last week one of them contacted me to say they picked someone else for the job but said i was full of energy and they were impressed with my resume and would keep it on file. i guess i was second all the way until the end.

the second place i interviewed has yet to call. i've sent two emails and called twice. the first time i called, they called back to say the board hadn't had time to look at the resumes and they'd call in two weeks. three weeks later, nothing. so i called again, being the pest i am and being a pr guru, persistance always is good. i stated i was still interested in the position and a second interview. no call back. WHAT THE FUCK.

last week a recruiter i chatted with on my last visit called to tell me of a job an hour away.

r: now, it's an hour away ... is that a problem?
c: no, i mean, plenty of people commute to work daily. think of the people who live in nyc, dallas and la?
r: got a point.

this morning the company called to say they wanted to talk to me about the position and brought up the hour commute.

fe: i hear you want to live here but you know that we're an hour from that city?
c: yes, i know. plenty of people commute to work, right?
fe: not really in our parts of the country.

all right, i know i live in the backwards ass part of the USA but people in my area commute an hour to work. even the new guy thought i was nuts.

bottomline, if i want a job in the pacific northwest, commuting an hour will not hurt me. well, unless it snows. DAMN SNOW.

i need to fill out the proper paper work and then they will interview me. ergggg.

it also seems like the only jobs open are nursing jobs. wishing i was a nurse right about now. ugh.

the whole other sucky part is my employer doesn't know i'm leaving. i haven't been to smart about this ... i told my family and friends. it's bound to get back because i'm always joking that i'm moving someday. need to keep this whole moving thing on the DL.

so today's lesson from chloe: looking for jobs sucks ass

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-09T09:38:00.000-06:00

i live with the new guy and my brother robin. living with two men after you've live by yourself with one cat for 5 years is a little nerve wracking.

the bathroom is always dirty. would it help you guys to wipe the sink down after you use it to wash hands, shave or in general use the sink? when you miss the toliet .. clean the floor!

and the dishes! i never eat at home but i do the dishes that robin and the new guy dirty 3 times a week. and i'm always picking up after each of them.

if i wanted to have kids, i'd have them.

at almost 30, was i an old maid before these men decided to make my life hell? an i that anal of a person?

this afternoon, robin headed to his friend's place and the new guy took a nap because he he works nights. i had a whole afternoon of watching the sophomore year of felicity, read a little bit of a book called dumped, cuddled with the crackers, my cat and made creme brulee. it was like i was single again.

when i was single, i'd spend my weekends cooking, reading, writing and today was the first time in months i've felt like a single girl on her own. doing all those single girl things.

why is there a choice about being single and being attached? can i have these saturday afternoons?

i want kids but then i don't want kids. if i get married and have kids, i won't have these days until i'm 60 years old.

not that i have the opportunity to have childen right now? not that we're headed to the altar anytime soon.

but, i'm getting a taste of what married life could be like. he's living here. and i like it.

just as long as i don't come across skidmarks.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-08T09:12:00.000-06:00

let me tell you about myself.

i'm chloe, a single white female living in the heart of america, the midwest. i've lived here my whole life in this midwestern metropolis. some think were i come from is a small town but really we have more than cornfields in this part of the world. they say the midwest sucks you and keeps you here for a long time and that you can never leave. i fell for that one and bought a house three years ago.

i'm your typical middle child ... independent and insecure. my older brother was the jock and my lil brother was a drama nerd. i guess you can call me the girl at band camp because i played the flute until i was a senior in high school. i was never popular in high school, though part of me really did want to be popular. i was on the school paper and editor of the yearbook. i have had boyfriends since i was 12 years old. i'm not exactly beautiful but not exactly ugly either. i look healthy ... i'm about 5/7 " and 175 pounds .. so i'm pretty solid but not fat. though, i really wish i could drop 25 pounds.

my parents were high school sweethearts who had to get married at 21 when my mom go knocked up. they divorced because my father was a raging alcoholic with a sex addiction. my dad now has been clean and sober 20 years. they both remarried; my father 5 times. my mother once.

my mother died of cancer in her late 40s. her death is a great source of my pain.

i always wanted to be a journalist and i have a degree in broadcasting which i used for a whloe minute until i got offered a job working as an internet content developer. i lived the good life for 4 years until the tech bubble and decided to switch gears and take a stab at non-profit fundraising and public relations.

now, 2 years into the job, a job in which i love, i need a change. i want to move to the pacific northwest where i can see the mountains, kayak in mountain streams and drink wine from the best vineyards in our country because they're only a few hours away.

mostly everyone thinks i'm nuts. various aunts, uncles and friends say they will believe it when they see it. thanks.

xoxo,
chloe

2003-11-07T15:24:00.000-06:00

where do i begin? oh yes, current love situation.

i've dating a guy since july which is a record for me. i went on vacation to the pacific northwest to find a job so i could move the HELL out of the midwest. it took me 30 years but i'm gonna do it. we will call him "new guy." new guy is friends with my buddy who lives in the pacific northwest. i had met him years ago when i visited and thought he was rather yummy looking. well, i go and visit and the new guy and i start chatting. we exchange emails and in october he moved to the midwest to help me move out west. we're living in sin right now. it's kinda fun but he works overnights.

you probably remember that i started dating ry, the guy i met back in nov. 2002, last spring and i was head over heels in love and he disappeared. for a few weeks i was lost .. couldn't eat, sleep. months past and he came back and i forgave him and became friends. i realize now that friends was all it should have been. it all went too fast and months later, is this someone i want to spend my life with? no.

is the new guy? unsure. we'll see.

now, onto the drama. you all remember t ... the guy who replused me with his love for me rubbing his dick with my foot. OH, now you remember ... we'll he's back. for months after we broke up ... yea, this was one year ago this week, he started hanging out with my friends. pure torture. he tried brainwashing them and as the true friends they were saw through it, except one ... my friend we'll call betty. betty as my good bud lany would say "always wanted to be chloe." betty and t started dating and she showed her true colors ... they tag teamed to make my life hell. so now, betty is sorta friendless and t is upset i told someone he doesn't like and who told him to upset him that chloe said he was horrible in bed.

yeah, truth hurts t.

is your head dissy yet? there is more.

betty was friends with my girlfriends who sat me down and said, "chloe, we love you but this shit drives us insane. is there a way to make it stop?" so i email betty and say, let's talk about this? she ignores me. then my girlfriends sat her down and said "please work this out!" betty said no and now says i brainwashed them.

the question is ... if t loves betty so much ... why is he out for revenge on his ex?

these two people are the biggest source of stress. betty this week sent an email to her friends (and included me) stating .. she was doing hanging around because of the drama. most of us questioned ... if you're so into the drama stopping, why did you send an email to keep the drama going? must need to have a last word or something.

so since she's not my friend and i don't care what she thinks of me, i sent her an email ... it was a harsh, petty email ... but do i care? no.

all hell broke lose. can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

dissy yet ... i could go and on but i'm sure to get an ulcer from this whole psychotic episode.

god, it feels good, not to talk in code.

xoxo,
chloe

yea, we're not talking about 14 years olds in the school playground ... we're talking about people in their late 20s made for each other.

2003-11-07T10:44:00.000-06:00

it's good to be back. is this thing on???? hello?

hi everyone ... chloe is gonna start blogging again. things are going well for me in the love area but as usual, there is drama all around me.

t ... the ex with the foot fetish ... he's back making my life hell. he's a little upset i told someone about the foot thing and thinks i owe him an apology. yea right. apologize for the truth. he's dating someone new he's going to marry but he still has this personal thing against me.

todd ... he and i don't talk anymore. we stopped talking once i started dating the new guy. he is still in love with cindee and i have no idea what he's doing.

family ... still driving me nut and i'm still the black sheep.

well, i promise more content coming soon. stay tuned!

oxox,
chloe